Memory

The point of the journal write was to think about the past and see if we can go to the attic and dust out an old memory. My was both my fourth birthday and the memory of the memory that I couldn't remember anything from the day before, I am not BSing! But a memory doesn't have to be 13 years ago, it can be 5 years ago. I'm talking about my experiences at Jr.high. I was reminded of those emotions from a song that came on from shuffle on my iPod that I use to listen to all the time. I was really fat and really antisocial. I blamed the two on each other that kept making a never ending cycle. I'm fat because I have no life, I have no life because I am to fat. Over and over it went. my nickname throughout jr.high was vito. Look up Viva la Bam to get the joke. Not until sophomore year I change my weight and became what I look like today. Even though I weight the same as I did back then, I am mostly muscle now. Back then I was 60% fat, my science teacher had a chart with height and weight and I was either in nearly obese or obese. My appearance change but I realize you can change your body all you want. But your character stays the same. That's my I stick to the corner, and rarely say a thing. You can tell I don't talk a lot on how my speech had degraded. Here's a poem I wrote in eight grade, even though the ending seemed cheery, I wrote that so I wouldn't be considered a emo. After it is the song that reminded me of all of this.

I believe when you say
I am worthless
Not meant to stay
While others step out into the light of day
I'll hide in the shadows
In the darkness I will stay

Believe in the darkness that surrounds me
Believe in the sorrow that consumes me
I believe
That darkness will bury into me
That sorrow hovers above me
That the world is on me
I believe that you are to

I believe when say
That I will die alone
In the ground I'll lay
Lonely, Buried from the day
Buried with the dead I'll stay

This all started
On that day
When you told me
I am worthless
That I still
Don't believe
In the shadows
I will lay

For whom to pay
I will stay
So get out of my way
Because I will believe
So get some relief
That I will stay
For whom to pay
Believe in
This war
I will wage